Jonathan,
I’m going to miss you. You promised me we would talk UFO’s next time. How am I going to find another student who looks forward to office hours? I’m not sure why you sought me out, but I’m glad you did. I try to keep my conspiratorial musings at a minimum in the classroom, but I couldn’t hide it from you—a fellow avid conspiracy theorist. You saw right through me and couldn’t wait for the real talk and real talk is what we had. From chatting about the mysterious management shifts at In-N-Out to the anti-Christ’s origins, hip hop, The Wire, and our government’s general failings, we covered lots of bases in a short amount of time. I feel like I’ve known you much longer than I actually have. One of my life’s greatest ironies is that one of the few students I actually abandoned my professional boundaries with is gone too soon.
I remember the last time you came to see me. You were so excited about the bookstore. Your phone rang and you asked me to excuse you while you took a business call. I had never seen that professional side of Jona before and I was so impressed. I was certain that working for Bucks for Books yourself was going to suit you better than, well, those other jobs... We talked about The Wire and I was very pleased to have fed that addiction. We discussed how much you loved Dawn and wanted to make her happy. I think you were making new music too. Life seemed really good for you. I was thrilled that you were graduated and working and in a satisfying relationship. When you got up to leave, you asked if you could hug me. It was a awkward moment because once again you sensed that there was someone else behind my professional posturing. Who knew that would be our first and last hug?
Thank you, Jona, for teaching me about so many of the random topics we covered during random appointments and emails. But my biggest thank you is for being so open with me that I had to reciprocate with you. Thank you for teaching me that there are great rewards to stepping outside of the formal teacher-student mode and get to know who my students are. As much as I hate to say goodbye, I am so glad that I got to know you enough to do so.
Rest in Peace Jonathan
Ebony Utley (Jonathan's CSULB communication criticism and hip hop criticism professor)